There are people all around me yet I can’t help but feel alone.
It’s funny how l feel lonely within four walls and within the public blending with the crowd.

I have been trying to find myself again and again but seem to have lost myself in time.
Empty thoughts inside my head,
My brain is all in one blur,
My heart is empty, filled with nothing but venom and hatred for nothing to be specific.

My eyes are wide open, but I refuse to let them see just how broken I truly am.
Simply the soft tears streaming down my cheeks makes me not see the love around me.

Day by day, l slowly die away,
I can’t just go on because I have lost count of time.
I feel there is something missing but can’t find out what and who?

Behind all my smiles are tears, tears that are hot and burn in first degree.
Behind my comfort are fears, fears of the future, fears of the past and the present. l wallow in sorrow with little hope of a better tomorrow.
A void that doesn’t want to be covered with love, care or soft touch.
I feel no one just understands,
Everything you think you see is just a mask that I wear to hide my pain and my flaws,
My trials and travails.

Alone,
Alone,
Alone.

I keep searching for what I know not;
I search for the one thing that will stop my crying.
For someone who will erase my fears,
The one person who will wipe my tears,
That awesome friend who will lead the way,
Who will say I am here darling just follow.

Saying that I am fine but ain’t,
My soul rips at my gut and my skin is on fire.
I burn from within,
Loneliness consumes me, it eats me away.
Time for discovery and adventure is lost,
Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.
Hoping someday,
Somewhere,
Somehow,
I will be found at the same time I am lost in.

Till then I’ll be here waiting for time to heal the process, the wounds and the
Anxiety.

The bluestar insider

Lisamona Ajiambo studies communication and Journalism at Rongo University.